Someone once said and i quote; "Bones may be weak  and hearts might be stronger but Bones heal fast And hearts.. mmm.. take longer!" .. what do u do when  u thought that  u've made the right decision .. only to realize later on, that probably it wasn't even right at all,coz it was wrong from the beginnin'?

 

    I don't know.. with all that has happened in the last few weeks.. i'm not really sure now.. sure of whether or not i've made the right decision coming here! I miss my baby sister,my brother, my dad,my cousins, my babes and my friends dearly! And it's getting worse everyday! Maybe it's just me being home sick.. but then again.. what of the whole "me being battered by my grandad" thing? that must of really left a mark somewhere inside, if u know what i mean...  but today right.. we ( me mum n i) called my baby sister up.. and when i heard her voice.. i nearly collapsed! the lines from her were really like shatterin' me to pieces.. bit by bit..

baby : abang  and mummy, kenapa u tak balik lagi ni? dah lama dah ni..

me/mummy : ya b, dunno yet.. dunno when we're gonna come back

baby : come back la quick.. i tunggu ni..  (with a really slow and crackly voice kinda way)

me/mummy : ya b.. soon ya.. ur gonna come here and visit us rite?

baby : ha.. i miss u! i miss u!

 like oh my god, how heart-breakin is that? LIKE TOTALLY kan??? u see.. i don't really know whether i want the perfect , "british life" or even  the "american life" ! I might just want the whole "malaysian life"! .. the part where i'd see my sister almost everyday.. or if i'm in kl.. i'd see her at least  once or twice every fortnight.. the part where i'd be out for late night supper.. roti canai and all.. the part where i can just wear shorts/bermuda pants without worrying whether it gets cold or sumthin'.. the part where i'd be able to drive  a car.. the part where i'd know almost every road.. know the people.. know the whole town! i don't know whether i want to be successful' in life.. i probably just wanna lead a simple life.. and fookin' just be happy with my malaysian hommies! can anyone help me on this??

    Sugar pie sista  Izan's in London.. shopping.. suke la minah pearl tuh!  jimmy's in perth.. studying.. shah and lea's  in kl... farah's suppose to be coming to london next month.. and ammir's in new york.. and the list goes on. It almost feels like a fantasy. I believe every other kid has had  this thought going thru' their head.. e.g ; "oh , wouldn't it be great .. if i could just hop on my private jet.. off to some exotic place, with credit cards and stuff like that.. bla bla bla.." and " oh let's go to PARIS, LONDON,lets shopping u ols..bla bla bla again".. yea, it'll be nice if it's true.. as in .. instead of  leaving it as 'just a fantasay' let it all become a 'reality'..  and it can BE true.. but u've gotta work for it? sure u've heard that many many times before eyh? but what if ur just sick of it? sick of keeping up with the jones and so? not because u CAN'T  keep up, but just because ur god freakin' just fookin' satanically fed-up with it? no offence to my darling friends , especially the ones mentioned above.. ur all bloody wicked and mama loves u for that! 

hmm what else?? nothing kot..!