..Ahahahaha.. u got it rite! .. ok so what.. after being here for nearly 4 weeks.. i've finally lost my uk status of being a "VIRGIN ".. i w0n't state with who tho'.. let's just keep that private and confidential.. u don't need to bloody know everything ,right to every lil' bit of detail of my life now do u?

    Anyways.. i finally met gordon and went out with him.. i know i was suppose to go n meet cornor but then he had exams so he took a rain check on that.. oh well.. me and g went off to town.. and we went to this place called.. bar fresa.. gila best.. i mean it wasn't packed .. it was just NICE & PERFECT! g introduced me to a couple of his friends.. namely stew,luke,kate,emily and a few others that i just can't recall.. of course i can't recall... i was up and away.. yay!! now i just have to state here that fazly,babe farah,babe lea,babe nat and babe shah were SO right! the pills here cost bloody damn cheap.. i got 3 for only rm 42! gila best tak??? and the stuff was like.. BLOODY GOOD.. and luke said; ..just wait till this crack zombie event comes up, we'll get even better stuff!! ee cam best best je.. and i've got ulsers everywhere in my mouth coz it's been a while since i last had a trip that good! we even smoked this thing called skunk.. n it's a bit like weed but jst that it's stronger.. i think it's the mushroom thingie.. i'll have to browse the net on that! had a couple of drinks and then went off n  head back to emily's place.. and continued on till the next day!

     So when i got back at me nan's place.. i got ready and went to town with me nan n me meena.. coz i didn't manage to get the shoes that i was suppose to get last week.. so went off to town right.. and it's was SO packed with ppl.. especially in the centre.. coz everyone was either just standing or sittin down on the floor watchin the match between arsenal n man u.. arsenal won! .. this coming week, is liverpool's match in instanbul!.. so anyways.. i got this pair of shoes.. k-swiss lawa giler.. cam basically white and a bit of jeans print and u can twist the front part to either the jeans printed side or the white.. cool huh? ..tht cost me £50 ..mahal tak puki.. benci aku kemahalan barang2 di sini.. tapi kebagusannya and the quality.. memang best! then i got this pair of shoes .. murah jugak aa.. only £10, which is about rm 70.. not bad la.. then i went off to f.c.u.k to look for those flip flops which shah has.. i just love his flip flops.. tapi kebencian n kepukian sangat
 ;-(..takde.. they said that probably next week or the week after the new designs will be out for the summer sale.. well i hope so.. coz if not i'm off to get the one in top-shop.. agak mahal juga just for a pair of flip-flops .. but then again.. they're just gorgeous! Couldn't find that cricket boutique in liverpool.. ( my cousin's friend has that gorgeous bag from cricket..stupid me for not asking wherabouts of the boutique that he got it from.. probably in manchester!).. i've spotted this gorgeous hooded coat/jacket that's on sale for £40 .. i really want to get it.. but i'm running low on cash.. so i'll just have to wait.. i finally got back to my old routine n favourite hobby...SHOPPING! .. dulu mana mampu.. all the money went off for the pills,drinks and club entrance-fees hahahah.. fees?? gila lawak!

   alritey.. u guys have fun now.. and ttyl.. later now, da!

(dated 22/05/05)

... went to visit me mum in the hospital.. and she looks better like! syukran! .. just what i need to start smilin' again..

yesterday Me couz, lil' ryan who's 9 years old, had his presentation day.. and he came back with two big trophies (is tht how u spell it?) .. gila best.. he won the player of the year 2005 for under 9's in his football team.. bestnya.. and one of his coach said that he's gonna go far.. imagine.. in 10 years.. he might end up playin in liverpool's team , alongside..garcia and cisse and the rest.. best tak??

Need to rush off to town now.. i SO need to get a pair of shoes.. oh and a pair of flip-flops.. so i guess i'll c ya's later then.. ta-ra


p/s: maybe when i have extra cash i can pop down at that cricket boutique and get that gorgeous jacket plak.. bag la!

Artist: Twista f/ Cee-Lo
Album: Kamikaze
Song: Hope
Typed by: AArsdam@aol.com

Man I know we had a lot of tragedies lately
I just wanna say rest in peace to Aaliyah
Rest in peace to Left-Eye, rest in peace to Jam Master Jay
And everybody lost in the Twin Towers, and everybody lost period
All we got is hope..

[Verse 1: Twista]
I wish the way I was livin' could stop
Servin' rocks, knowin' the cops is hot when I'm on the block
And I - wish my brother would've made bail
So I won't have to travel six hours to see him in jail
And I - wish that my grandmother wasn't sick
Or that we would just come up on some stacks and hit a lick (I wish)
And I - wish my homies wouldn't have to suffer
When the streets get the upper hand understand we lose a brother
And I - wish I could go deep in the zone
And lift the spirits of the world with words within this song (I wish)
And I - wish I could teach us all to fly
Take away the pain out your hands and help you hold 'em high
And I - wish God had never gave the men power
To be able to hurt the people inside the Twin Towers (I wish)
And I - wish God would've turned they hearts righteous
When they started to take innocent lives and become snipers
But uh - we will never break though they devastate
We shall motivate, and we gotta pray, all we got is faith
Instead of thinkin' about who gon' die today
The Lord is gon' help you feel better so you ain't gotta cry today
Sit at the light so long
And then we gotta move straight forward cause we bite so strong
So when right go wrong
Just say a lil' prayer, get your money man, life goes on... (Let's go)

[Chorus: Cee-Lo]
Cause I'm hopeful, yes I am, hopeful for today
Take this music and use it, let it take you away
And be hopeful, hopeful, and He'll make a way
I know it ain't easy but - that's okay
Just be hopeful

[Verse 2: Twista]
I wish that you would show some love
Instead of hatin' so much when you see some other people comin' up (I wish)
I wish I could teach the world to sing
Write some music and have them trippin' off the joy I bring
Shit - I wish that we can hold hands
Listenin' instead of dissin', lessons from a grown man (I wish)
And I - wish the families that lack but got love
Get some stacks, brand new shack, and a 'Llac that's on dubs
And I - wish we could keep achieving wonders
See the vision of the world through the eyes of Stevie Wonder (I wish)
You feel me - and I hope all the kids eat
And don't nobody in my family see six feet - ya dig?
I hope the mothers stand strong
You can make it whether you with him or your man's gone (I wish)
And I - wish I could give every celly some commissary
And no popo bring the heat on our peace like they did R. Kelly
And I - wish that D.O.C. could scream again
And bullets could reverse and Pac and Biggie breathe again
Shit - and one day they can speak again
I wish that we only saw good news every time we look at CNN
I wish that enemies could talk
And that Super-homie Christopher Reeve could still walk (I wish)
I wish that we could walk the path stay doin' the right thing
Hustle hard so them kids maintain up in the game (Let's go)

[Chorus: Cee-Lo]
Cause I'm hopeful, yes I am, hopeful for today
Take this music and use it, let it take you away
And be hopeful, hopeful, and He'll make a way
I know it ain't easy but - that's okay
Just be hopeful

[Verse 3: Twista]
Wish the earth wasn't so apocaliptic
I try to spread my message to the world the best way that I can give it
We can make it, always so optimistic
If you don't listen, gotta live my life the best way that I can live it
I pray for justice when we go to court
Wish it was all good so the country wouldn't have to go to war
Why can't we kick it and just 'em on
And in the famous words of Mister King, 'why can't we all just get along?'
Hope we can find a better way to shop in peace
And I - hope we find a better way to cop for keys
And I - wish everybody would just stop and freeze
And ask - why are fulfilling these downfalls and these prophecies
You can be wrong if it's you doubtin'
With the faith of a mustard seed, you can move mountains
And only the heavenly father can ease the hurt
Just let it go and keep prayin' on your knees in church (Let's go)

[Chorus: Cee-Lo]
Cause I'm hopeful, yes I am, hopeful for today
Take this music and use it, let it take you away
And be hopeful, hopeful, and He'll make a way
I know it ain't easy but - that's okay
Just be hopeful
(Repeat)

Na na na na na na na na na
Just be hopeful
(Repeat)

Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na

p/s: there's nothing left for me except for hope.. so i guess i'll just keep on hopin' ...

.. ok, so i went to town today with me nan,aunt,couz,mum n me self..
just browsin' thru.. but then.. ended up buying this gorgeous cap.. it's like basically white, with black joker let writtin' that says england all over it and with a red cross.. dividin' the cap.. superb!

Then.. i went to topshop, and ended up comin' out with a t-shirt.. white with grey and a bit of red in it.. i know... what's with me n the official colour of satans, red?.. satanic!! (go on now.. laugh shah.. laugh!)

I WAS going to buy this white pumps of the brand Lacoste.. but it cost abt £60 .. which in malaysia would be.. rm420..or more.. don't know the currency rate at this moment.. i just couldn't get myself to buy em'.. good job i didn't tho'.. coz i ended up at FCUK's boutique.. and came out with this another yet gorgeous thing.. a sweater-jacket like, that was creamish in colour and with a bit of peachy-pinkishy colour in it too.. CUN sangat!! .. Oh, n i think, izan would go crazy over here with the pearls.. they're sellin' it all over the place.. best tak??

Got other bits and pieces N Roughly, i think i spent .. wat would of been in Ringgit Malaysia.. about 700 plus.. god,i think with the rate tht i'm goin at this very moment..by the end of next week .. i'll be broke!! urghhh... but at the end of the day.. i'm HAPPY .. N that's what matters most..I DON'T KNOW.. is this what they call retail-therapy?

.. everyone talks about everyone..or at least someone! no one, i REPEAT, no one, is in any way excluded (is tht the right term?) from the topic above.. either u've done it intentionally or not.. u've probably spoke to a friend of urs of a bad thing tht someone else has done before .. and that friend probably told another friend, and another n another.. it's like a circle.. what goes around, comes around.. it's in our nature.. (admit it.) BUT! we should try our best to prevent/resent ourselves from doin' so, for the consequences tht we'll face or have to put up with, is with no doubt, something that we'll regret for the rest of our life! like, losin' a friend for instance.. what say u?

*But what if, we were talking or stating true fact/s about this person, is that still considered as back-stabbing?? i.e ; minah berangan tau semua jenama yg orang lain tau..minah ni trying to live her life just as if she was as rich as her friend, when the truth is, she's not? and this minah, uses her own REAL friends to gain personal interest? patutkah kita dilabel sebagai menikam-belakangnya? personally, I THINK not, unless, this minah's the type of person who u can actually slowly talk to, and make her realize tht she's bla bla bla.. then i guess u can call em' backstabbers. However, IF she's the type who can't handle criticism very well, then by all means, ur actually doing her a favor! mana tau,nanti sampai plak kat telinga dia,boleh la go and stare at her own reflection in the mirror,and ask herself, betul ke tak, apa yg diperkatakan tentang dirinya itu!

aight .. so i watched miss match on astro last night.. and the episode this time was something about "love addiction" .. and watching it last night,made me felt, just as if, alicia silverstone was walking IN my shoe, DOING my thang! it was like, watching a person who clearly resembles myself.. mirror mirror!

OH MY GOD, am i addicted to love??? am i actually in love with 'love' itself? i can't answer that coz .. frankly speaking, i didn't even know such thing exist.. not untill last night's episode of miss match that is... but if i am, then it explains a whole lot more to what's really going on in my life..

I've been with ppl (siapa tak? ), but not to a point where i could simply turn around n say;" oh, he's my ex" .. meaning, i've never had an actual relationship. just a lot of scandal-mandals! keburukkan, i know! but hey, if this 'thing' really does exist, than by all means, probably i'm not THAT bad afterall .. as perceived by sum ;-p.. some of ya's .. especially the ones yg kerasaan.. i knw some of ya's tried to convince me,that we're meant to be.. but i guess that's just not me.. well at least not yet.. i need to go-figure myself out first, before i could let,u, or u, or anyone of ya's in to my life..and


here are some points/signs i've found over on the internet about it:-

Signs and Characteristics of Love Addiction:
..Lack of nurturing and attention when young
..Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family
..Compartmentalization of relationships from other areas of life
..Outer facade of "having it all together" to hide internal disintegration
..Mistake intensity for intimacy (drama driven relationships)
..Hidden Pain
..Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at any cost
..Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship
..Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
.. Depressed
..Highly manipulative and controlling of others
..Perceive attraction, attachment, and sex as basic human needs, on a par with food and water
.. Sense of worthlessness without a relationship or partner
..Feelings that a relationship makes one whole, or more of a man or woman
..Escalating tolerance for high-risk behavior
.. Intense need to control self, others, circumstances
..Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems
..Insatiable appetite in area of difficulty (sex, love or attachment / need.)
..Using others, sex & relationships to alter mood or relieve emotional pain
..Continual questioning of values and lifestyle
..Driven, desperate, frantic personality
..Confusion of sexual attraction with love ("Love" at first sight.)
..Tendency to trade sexual activity for "love" or attachment
..Existence of a secret "double life"
..Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem
..Defining out-of-control behavior as normal
..Defining "wants" as "needs"
..Tendency to leave one relationship for another. (Inability to be without a relationship.)
..Attempts to replace lost relationships with a new one immediately

*NOTE ; i am not bloody describing myself up there.. but just stating out points.. n i admit,i do see some of those points in me, heck, probably the ones that still admire me, will be off on the next plane, trying to get away as far as possible from me.. too bad ;-p

(dated 06/04/05)

So u want to 'play' with me eyh? u think that just because i've been laying low, i'm not up for 'it' anymore eyh? u think that, i haven't been in action with my super mega bitchy act,thus i've turned soft now eyh.. u think that u could just take me in and then leave me in ya list with the rest of the "pyscho-wannabe's" eh??? u think that i'll just shut me big gob, and take all that sh1t eh?? u think that since PARIS is no longer rocking the scene, i've lost 'it' eh??? u think that i'm just one of those, keburukkan kids, that'll praise u, and beg for u to have em' eh? .. u think that i was born to be a loser, instead of a winner eyh? u think that i won't be able, to jump up and run u down like in ur nightmares eyh? u think jst because i no longer show my fangs i'm mrs. mary poppins now eyh? i know i've been giving u a lot of 'eyh' but u think i care, if u care, that i care ? u think u know me inside out, but probably u left one lil' teeny-weeny-itsy-bitsy-fact about me, the fact that i have a 'reputation' of being someone who's capable of bringin down not only urself, but the whole 'hood' down?,did u know that? do u think u can just put me on hold , while u go and secure urself by leaving the whole situation , with ur , (well i'm not suprised , when it comes to u, ya know.. a person with ur kinda background! ah-uk, squeeze ma tits yay!) lame line that goes like this.. "i'mma leave my options open" ? .. so u thought that u could actually dust me off, like ya dusting ya bloody "petaling-street" lv bag,while TRYING ya best to make an attempt of joining us and actually be one of us in our "lv-gucci-bithcy-catwalk" ? ...Aaaahhh is that SO? U think????! a'HuH, THINK AGAIN B1TCH!! now i don't think i need to further express it in detail, of what i'm capable of.. N incase u haven't noticed.. under the column "about me" .. it's perfectly stated there.. "THEY WOULDN'T BE CALLING ME PARIS, IF I WASN'T AS CRAZY AS THIS" .. there u go! hun, a piece of advice, enjoy 'it' while u still can.. coz it might just be ur last..

p/s: ala kesiannya.. janganla menangis.. i promise i'll be gentle.. hahahaha *note,laughing with a pinch of evilness within my tone*

(dated 5/04/05)

 

i think i am one big mess! i've been clean n sober for god knows how long.. ehehehehe.. but somehow.. i'm still in that depression mode.. why??? can someone freaking just tell me why?? ..

The night out with my babes and a few other new friends was like... o-k.. i mean i was happy to meet lea,farah,febs,opy,shad and the newies.. but at the same time, it made me feel down! damn it, i hate this! why do they get to be happy n i don't? coz i don't work hard enough to achieve happiness? coz it's not my time yet? coz this, and that, and this and that.. aaah fucker, shut the fuck up! u can tell me this, u can tell me that, u can say whatever u want, but it won't change the fact tht i'm still unhappy!


i'm trying to cry now.. hahahahah.. bodoh kan.. at the same time i'm laughing.. lea,gw rasa memang nya udah kepala gua lobang sini sana.. hahahaha... tu la main dadah lagi.. kan dah pyscho dah.. i'd love to say it's ok.. but it's not.. n there's nothing i can do about it... pain killers..erm would it do any good? i just want the pain to go away, that's all;-)

 

Out back jack :-

I'm so bloody glad that jack finally came to his senses, and picked natalie over the annoying marissa! Did u guys see the look on marissa's face when jack told her, that she's not the one??? OH my LoRd, that was the moment i've been waiting for.. i was thrilled and excited, when jack went off to tell the good news to natalie , leaving that b1tch on the other side! Yay!


The contender :-

Ok , i admit, ishe finally came back with a new spirit! guess, his son and wife really pushed him to rise up again, and finally make himself, his family and his fellow team mates proud! i totally screamed me head off, when he kicked ahmed's butt to win the fight that night! hooray!

Then it was sergio against the late najai. Hmm, i didn't quite understand why sergio reacted the way he did, when the 5 round match ended. It was as if, he was letting his steam off, over towards najai, in a way, where u'd think they actually hate each other's gutt! But then when he was announced as the winner for that night, he hugged the late najai, and even kissed him on the cheek and said that whatever that happened thru' out the fight, he still respects the late najai. At the end of the episode (the programme was recorded and then only aired on tele) sugar ray announced that najai, had past away, sum'where around feb. Feel sorry for his wife and his kid.

American idol :-

The one day delay of the show, was because the numbers for the voting got all mixed up! So they actually had to re-do the whole thing so that voters could then, start voting according to the actual number representing each singer. Too bad,mikalah was voted off.. but her no. 1 song, "love will lead you back" by taylor dayne, really did bring me back down to memory lane..
;-) .. i really admire the way mikalah, handled the whole 'voted-off' thingie.. very professional of her.. and mature too! good for u mikalah!

 

Fyuhh! after nearly an hour and a half waiting, i finally got the car serviced! Previously before this, i'd ask big momma to accompany me, so that when i leave the car there, i could run off to sumwhere else with him and come back for the car when it's done, but today, instead of doin that( since biggie's at KU now), i had to wait for the freakin' car at the service centre. It took abt two hours to service the car, urrghhh damn it, i hate waiting!

Anyways, yesterday right.. i was at this internet cafe talking to the girl who works there n sort of like chillin' out n puffin' on endless ciggies. There was this guy there, who's sorta like .. er.. cute.. but the fact that he kept starring at me really ticked me off! obviously,there was nothing that i could do at the time, for i have no rights to tell him off, coz he could easily come up with an excuse saying those stupid-lamo-lines! and the next thing u know, he comes up and ask me out of all the pick-up lines available, he picks this rather typical cliche' line that goes ; "excuse me, can u tell what time it is right now?".. OMG! hello, there's a BIG clock tht's hangin' right on the wall! .. so u know what i did?? i kept on 'layanin' the girl there.. and pointed out to where the clock is w/out even looking at him.... eee.. i know.. so kejahatan of me.. but please la.. guys like this.. lame lines like that.. urgh.. to me, that is just SO passe!

On a different note.. looks like 'me leaving'..will be delayed till mummy goes and see the doctor at UH! What can i say, the medication/or prescriptions over there cost a bomb! oh well, i'm use to this, no biggie! anyways gotta run, take care bitchas! tra-la-la, da!